GLITTER BOMBS

Well, I attempted a Super-Cute-DIY-Snow-Globe-Peppermint-Schnapps-And-Hot-Cocoa-Post. But guess what. I'M NOT LIKE THEM.  

Sigh. The snow globes were a big pile of fail. But, like they always say in crafting, a mistake isn't a mistake, it's a discovery. Or some shit. 

 And boy did I discover. 

And boy did I discover. 

What You Need For Valentines Day GLITTER BOMBS:

Glitter, All Kinds

Dolls, All Parts

Distilled Water (?)

Crazy glue

Jars

Beads

Glycerine

GLITTER

 

What You Need For a Saint Valentines Day Massacre:

Blood Orange Juice

Gin

Campari

Rhubarb bitters

Bitterness


Disclaimers!

DO NOT USE BABY OIL. I did, because other craft blogs were all “oooh you can use baby oil instead of glycerin if you want because I like watching you fail.” Use glycerin. I blame part of the failure on this.

DO NOT USE PLASTIC OBJECTS. There are many reasons why. But the creepiest reason (somehow) is that glitter sticks to plastic like a lazy writer sticks to similes. I blame all the failure (or awesome) on this.

For whatever reason, these same “craft blogs” recommend using distilled water. Which is boiled water that is then cooled. Which, dumb.

If, while paying for four plastic naked dolls, the Goodwill lady asks if you make doll clothes, JUST SAY YES.

It’s always best to have a craft equivalent safe word. You’ll see what I mean.

I’m very sorry.


Well, here goes nothing. 

1.) Save some jars! Pick out some jars! Raid your friend’s JAR SHELF.

 And you thought I was kidding about a jar shelf. 

And you thought I was kidding about a jar shelf. 

2.) Gather your materials into a creepy pile on the floor.

 How do I have friends. 

How do I have friends. 

3.) Decide what you want in your jars and….make that happen.

 It's probably best that this is blurry. 

It's probably best that this is blurry. 

4.) Make sure it fits in the jar.

 Dang. Back to the jar shelf. 

Dang. Back to the jar shelf. 

5.) Once you've found objects that fit into your jars or vice versa, glue your object(s) onto the cap. 

 Nothing to see here. 

Nothing to see here. 

6.) Let them set!

 That cork did not help at all. 

That cork did not help at all. 

7.) While you're waiting for them to dry, fill your jar with things you’d like floating around in there. Like glitter....or a doll's leg. 

8.) Pour in the stupid glycerin (not baby oil) and distilled water. Make sure to account for density and other nerd things.

 And thus "began" our "downfall." 

And thus "began" our "downfall." 

9.) Before we put the cap into that hot mess, we need to put glue on the edges of the cap. So it won’t leak. The hot mess. 

10.) Pop that sucker in there. Over a sink cuz girl, you never know. 

 Sealing the deal. Get it. GET IT. 

Sealing the deal. Get it. GET IT. 

11.) Ta..daaaaa…

 ...aaaaahhhhhHHHH!

...aaaaahhhhhHHHH!

12.) Put them in a bag. Pout. Drive home. During said drive, continuously wonder what will happen if a cop pulls you over and then obviously arrests you once he sees what's in this bag. Do you think jail is like Orange Is The New Black? Hmm. Make it home. Stare at bag wondering what can actually come of this.

14.) GOT IT. 


PART II – Bringing Magic! To Valentines Day!

AKA  Being a bigger creep!

So, what do you do with jars of clumpy glitter, doll parts and overall feelings of badness? On Valentines Day?

1.) Hide it in his bed!

 Love you, mean it! YOUR PILLOW SMELLS LIKE YOU. 

Love you, mean it! YOUR PILLOW SMELLS LIKE YOU. 

2.) Hide it in their bathroom!

 You're the best BUT YOU'D BETTER FUCKING CALL ME. 

You're the best BUT YOU'D BETTER FUCKING CALL ME. 

3.) Place it on a doorstep!

 Miss you WHY DIDNT' YOU CALL ME

Miss you WHY DIDNT' YOU CALL ME

4.) Line them up outside of an apartment!

 xoxoxoxoxxxxI THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL

xoxoxoxoxxxxI THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL

5.) It got weird didn’t it?

 Does this help? I'm not a total monster? Safe word. 

Does this help? I'm not a total monster? Safe word. 


Part III – Let’s Forget That Just Happened.

AKA – Drinky Drinky time!

 

St. Valentines Day Massacre:

1 oz. Blood Orange Juice

1 oz. Gin

1 oz. Campari

Ice

Few dashes of Rhubarb bitters

Pour the blood orange juice, Gin (or as my grandma calls it, Panther Piss) and Camparini over ice in a high ball glass and stir. Scream while adding the dashes of rhubarb bitters.

 What dolls? What are you talking about? Where am I? 

What dolls? What are you talking about? Where am I? 

Well I have a rule that once Panther Piss enters a blog, it’s time to wrap it up. I hope you enjoyed this week’s Crafty Hour and that it brings you hours of friendship happiness.

 Until next time....

Until next time....