Well, I attempted a Super-Cute-DIY-Snow-Globe-Peppermint-Schnapps-And-Hot-Cocoa-Post. But guess what. I'M NOT LIKE THEM.
Sigh. The snow globes were a big pile of fail. But, like they always say in crafting, a mistake isn't a mistake, it's a discovery. Or some shit.
What You Need For Valentines Day GLITTER BOMBS:
Glitter, All Kinds
Dolls, All Parts
Distilled Water (?)
What You Need For a Saint Valentines Day Massacre:
Blood Orange Juice
DO NOT USE BABY OIL. I did, because other craft blogs were all “oooh you can use baby oil instead of glycerin if you want because I like watching you fail.” Use glycerin. I blame part of the failure on this.
DO NOT USE PLASTIC OBJECTS. There are many reasons why. But the creepiest reason (somehow) is that glitter sticks to plastic like a lazy writer sticks to similes. I blame all the failure (or awesome) on this.
For whatever reason, these same “craft blogs” recommend using distilled water. Which is boiled water that is then cooled. Which, dumb.
If, while paying for four plastic naked dolls, the Goodwill lady asks if you make doll clothes, JUST SAY YES.
It’s always best to have a craft equivalent safe word. You’ll see what I mean.
I’m very sorry.
Well, here goes nothing.
1.) Save some jars! Pick out some jars! Raid your friend’s JAR SHELF.
2.) Gather your materials into a creepy pile on the floor.
3.) Decide what you want in your jars and….make that happen.
4.) Make sure it fits in the jar.
5.) Once you've found objects that fit into your jars or vice versa, glue your object(s) onto the cap.
6.) Let them set!
7.) While you're waiting for them to dry, fill your jar with things you’d like floating around in there. Like glitter....or a doll's leg.
8.) Pour in the stupid glycerin (not baby oil) and distilled water. Make sure to account for density and other nerd things.
9.) Before we put the cap into that hot mess, we need to put glue on the edges of the cap. So it won’t leak. The hot mess.
10.) Pop that sucker in there. Over a sink cuz girl, you never know.
12.) Put them in a bag. Pout. Drive home. During said drive, continuously wonder what will happen if a cop pulls you over and then obviously arrests you once he sees what's in this bag. Do you think jail is like Orange Is The New Black? Hmm. Make it home. Stare at bag wondering what can actually come of this.
14.) GOT IT.
PART II – Bringing Magic! To Valentines Day!
AKA Being a bigger creep!
So, what do you do with jars of clumpy glitter, doll parts and overall feelings of badness? On Valentines Day?
1.) Hide it in his bed!
2.) Hide it in their bathroom!
3.) Place it on a doorstep!
4.) Line them up outside of an apartment!
5.) It got weird didn’t it?
Part III – Let’s Forget That Just Happened.
AKA – Drinky Drinky time!
St. Valentines Day Massacre:
1 oz. Blood Orange Juice
1 oz. Gin
1 oz. Campari
Few dashes of Rhubarb bitters
Pour the blood orange juice, Gin (or as my grandma calls it, Panther Piss) and Camparini over ice in a high ball glass and stir. Scream while adding the dashes of rhubarb bitters.
Well I have a rule that once Panther Piss enters a blog, it’s time to wrap it up. I hope you enjoyed this week’s Crafty Hour and that it brings you hours of friendship happiness.