Kentucky Mulled Cider

Kentucky Mulled Cider

1 cup Bourbon

4 cups apple cider

1 thinly sliced lemon

6 cloves

½ tsp. ground allspice

2 small sticks of cinnamon

"They" say to combine 1 cup Bourbon for every 4 cups of Apple Cider. But, ya know, it's the holidays so let's just say that's open to interpretation. Once you figure out how "Kentucky" your milled cider is going to be, add 1 thinly sliced lemon with rind, 6 cloves and 1/2 tsp of ground spice and 2 small sticks of cinnamon to the pot that everything is in. Oh yeah, put everything in a pot. Heat to a boil, let it slightly cool. Serve. Speak with southern accent upon sipping.  

 Mmmm mammy that's some good cider ya'll. Or something. 

Mmmm mammy that's some good cider ya'll. Or something. 

Always A Bridesmaid

Always A Bridesmaid:

 1 ½ oz White Rum

1 tbsp Lime Juice

½ tsp Simple Syrup

Ice

Sparking Wine (because only brides get champagne)

2 tbsp TEARS

 

Combine rum, lime juice and simple syrup in a shaker with ice. Shake. Strain into a chilled white wine glass. Think about your friendship with the bride and wonder out loud if you’ll ever have what she has and why did she choose bright pink bridesmaid dresses when she knows you don’t look good in that color life is sooooo hard. Realize you're alone in your apartment. Garnish drink with tears from previous step. Might as well use a lime too, why the fuck not. This is your day. 

 The tears make it real. 

The tears make it real. 

The Bomb Pop

The Bomb Pop:

2oz. Blue UV Vodka

2oz. Grenadine

4oz. Lemonade

Willingness to Get Drunk Off of UV Vodka Like You Did in College.

 

Fill your extremely see-through glass with ice. Pour in your UV Vodka. Slowly pour in the lemonade. Slowly pour in the grenadine. Drink it with the carelessness of a kid eating a Bomb Pop Popsicle, or a sorority girl sipping on her Blue UV Vodka in her parents house while she’s home for the summer. 

 If you can find a way to hum “I’m Proud To Be An American”, even better.

If you can find a way to hum “I’m Proud To Be An American”, even better.

P.Diddy

The P.Diddy:

Ciroc Coconut Vodka

Club Soda

A Good Friend To Bring Ciroc Vodka

At Least 4 Different Names You Can Change To When People Start Paying Less Attention To you

 

Put ice in a glass. Put the Ciroc in the glass. Put Club Soda in the glass. Stir. Garnish with a Penis Straw.

 Again, just really good at staging photos.

Again, just really good at staging photos.

One Step Up From A Flask

One Step Above A Flask:

3 oz. Whiskey

5oz. Ginger Ale

Ice

Red Cup

No Shame

Dirt

 

While sitting in your delightful camping chair, fill your cup of choice with ice. Carefully pour the whiskey into the cup until you feel it suffices. Next, gently fill the rest of your vessel with as much ginger ale as will hold. Stir all ingredients with finger. Drink with the class and prestige you’ve earned.

 Making mom proud. 

Making mom proud. 

Gin Daisy

Gin Daisy:

2 oz. Gin
1 oz. Lemon Juice
1/2 tsp. Sugar
1/2 tsp. Grenadine
1 Maraschino Cherry
1 Slice Orange

Fill a shaker with ice cubes and combine all the liquids. Pour into an old-fashioned glass and garnish with the cherry and the orange slice. And by "A" cherry, I mean lots. Because who only puts one cherry in their drink. That’s just silly. 

 She knows what I'm talking about. 

She knows what I'm talking about. 

Air Mail

Airmail:

2 ounces golden rum

1/2 ounce lime juice

1 teaspoon honey

5 ounces Brut champagne

 

 I don’t know what golden rum is, but Esquire recommends Puerto Rican rum. Wait, I read Esquire? Mix contents together in a shaker with ice. Pour into lovely glass. Yell “You’ve got mail!” at people and then get mad when they don't understand the reference. 

 YOU'VE GOT MAIL TOM HANKS.

YOU'VE GOT MAIL TOM HANKS.

Confetti Punch

What You Need For Confetti Punch:

700 ml White Rum

1 1/2 Liters Dry Sparkling wine

1 Liter Lemonade

70 cl White Grape Juice

50 cl Orange Juice

10 Halved Strawberries

1 Package Raspberries

Some Oranges for Good Measure

 

So, just chill the ingredients separately for a minimum of two hours and then combine in a large punch bowl with ice! Ready, set, serve into wine glasses. Throw some raspberries and oranges for some extra confetti sparkle! 

 j/k it'll still look ugly. 

j/k it'll still look ugly. 

 

 

Forever Young Potion

Forever Young Potion

1 Pint blueberries

1 Pint blackberries

1/5 Vodka

1 Lemon

1 Teaspoon sugar

1 Bag frozen blueberries or blackberries

Divide the fresh fruit between 4 large jars. Pour vodka over the fruit and then MASH THE FRUIT. Let the vodka infuse overnight or until it turns a deep purple. Strain vodka to remove fruit chunks. Keep chunks for garnish? Sure. Mix frozen fruit with sugar in a bowl and thaw. Add the frozen fruit/sugar concoction to the bottom of cocktail glasses (fancy) or small jars (how I roll) and then pour the purple vodka tincture in. Garnish with liquored fruit and lemon slices. Add ice and serve! Also - know that this is not a real youth potion. 

 Mmmmmmm I feel younger already. GET MY PANTS! MOMMY'S GOING OUT!

Mmmmmmm I feel younger already. GET MY PANTS! MOMMY'S GOING OUT!

Champagne Sangria

Champagne Sangria:

3oz triple sec

3oz brandy

2oz rum

2oz vodka

Chopped up fruit (apple, mango, tangerine, pear, peach, strawberry)

1 750ml bottle Champagne

 

Combine the Triple Sec, Brandy Rum, Vodka and fruit into a large bowl and let sit for a long ass time. Anywhere from a few hours to overnight. But preferably overnight. Add in the champagne before serving so it doesn’t go flat. Put it in a glass and enjoy! Hopefully with delightfully warm Denver spring weather. 

 Looks like I made it, right?

Looks like I made it, right?

Christmas Leftovers Bloody Mary

Christmas Leftovers Blood Mary:

2 oz(?) Pepper Vodka (hopefully the vodka you made from the last crafty hour!)

Some Spicy V8 Juice

Some celery

Some celery salt

Some pickles

Some olives

Some cumin

Some celery Salt

Some tabasco

Whatever else you have lying around, you know the drill.

 

Rim your glass with celery salt. Put all that stuff in a glass. Garnish with whatever food you have lying around that you think you can choke down. Hope for the best. 

 To be fair, I had to get this halfway down so I could take the picture. Don't judge me. 

To be fair, I had to get this halfway down so I could take the picture. Don't judge me.